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Trump and the 14K Triad: "Asian Organized Crime: the New International Criminal (U.S. Senate Subcommittee)"

https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/Digitization/148449NCJRS.pdf
The 1992 U.S. Senate Subcommittee 218-page report entitled "Asian Organized Crime: the New International Criminal", linked Trump's businesses to Asian organized crime.[55]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_Rock_Hotel_%26_Casino_Atlantic_City#cite_note-ncjrs_1992-55
Specifically the Senate subcommittee named Danny Sau Keung Leung, who had been Trump Taj Mahal's VP Foreign Marketing since 2000, as an associate of the Hong Kong-based organized crime group 14K Triad"[56] linked to "murders, extortions and heroin smuggling".[57] Leung worked at Trump Taj Mahal from 1990 to 1995.[57] He was "known by law enforcement to be linked to organized crime syndicates"[58] and was investigated by the New Jersey Casino Control Commission in 1995 with hearings in Atlantic City regarding his "background and character".[57] "Mentions of Trump businesses" were "sprinkled throughout the 1992 Senate report on "Asian organized crime in the United States".[58] "Crime bosses who ran the Chinatown bus system put together trips to Trump businesses in Atlantic City.[58] "[O]ther people with links to organized crime booked shows at Trump venues and in 1987, one was indicted on a charge of providing kickbacks to executives at Trump Castle."[58] According to an Internal Revenue Service report cited in a 2016 Politifact article by Linda Qui,[56] Trump also worked closely with other members and associates of organized criminal enterprises, including Danny Leung, Felix Sater, Salvatore Testa, and Kenneth Shapiro".[56][59]:5 In 1984, Canadian police had identified Leung as "a major player in Toronto organized crime", yet in 1989, the New Jersey Casino Control Commission granted him the casino "key license reserved for executives"[57] and he began working for Trump Taj Mahal in 1990.[57] At the New Jersey Casino Control Commission hearing in 1994, Trump sent Taj President Dennis Gomes to "testify on Leung's behalf at the hearing New Jersey Casino Control Commission. In spite of an objection of the Division of Gaming Enforcement and the testimony of Canadian police, his casino key license was renewed. "Leung's lawyer, Guy Michael said, that the criminal allegations were "absolutely untrue. In August 2013, Leung requested to be placed on the Casino Key Employee Inactive List in August 2013 "in lieu of complying with the resubmission process".
submitted by postsshortcomments to conspiracy [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Impacts on US/Canada transit for 2020-05-04

Slowly everything is getting back to normal. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing.
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are asking you wear a mask, board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. Mask requirements are marked with "!!!" States that require a mask: MD, MI, NJ
If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!
(I have also taken the time to clean up and organize the list a bit)

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Note: All overnight trains (except Auto Train) will switch to Flexible Dining menus. Some Cafe service is suspended. Limited access to NY Penn.
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Acela, Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
Replaced w/bus (Thruway): Hiawatha (4/24-5/25)
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. Some sleeper service is canceled. VIA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until May 1st: The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax), Toronto-Niagara Falls (until further notice)
Canceled until June 1st: JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert, The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver)
Limited service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (Kingston-Torronto-London is canceled, most trains canceled)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced Service - Canada - Improving

Reduced Service - Canada

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

Michigan

Reduced Service - USA

East Coast

Mid-country

West Coast

Michigan

Hat-Tips

u/alitales u/NixillUmbreon u/Steaks_on_a_Plane u/voxadam u/cincy_transit_guy u/mohaas06 u/taxorenxuan u/earlyenrichment u/SojuCondo u/TTC_Tokens u/TC1827 u/InfiNorth u/Bombpants u/sebileis u/Pwheatstraw2000 u/Vectrex452
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Impacts on US/Canada transit for 2020-05-11

😷 Just wear a !)#[email protected]( mask. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing.
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are requiring you wear a mask. Most ask you board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. Mask requirements are marked with "⚠️" and are because of state orders.
If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!
(I have also taken the time to clean up and organize the list a bit)

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Note: All overnight trains (except Auto Train) will switch to Flexible Dining menus. Some Cafe service is suspended.
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
Replaced w/bus (Thruway): Hiawatha (4/24-5/25)
Returning: Limited Acela starting June 1st
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. IA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until further notice: Toronto-Niagara Falls
Canceled until June 1st: JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert
Suspended until Nov 1st: The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver), The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax)
Limited schedule service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (All-stop service, round trips on each line only)
No sleeper: Winnipeg-Churchill route (until Nov 1)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced Service - Canada - Improving

Reduced Service - Canada

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

East Coast

Mid-Country

West Coast

Michigan

Reduced Service - USA

East Coast

Mid-country

West Coast

Michigan

Hat-Tips

u/alitales u/NixillUmbreon u/Steaks_on_a_Plane u/voxadam u/cincy_transit_guy u/mohaas06 u/taxorenxuan u/earlyenrichment u/SojuCondo u/TTC_Tokens u/TC1827 u/InfiNorth u/Bombpants u/sebileis u/Pwheatstraw2000 u/Vectrex452 u/blorgcumber
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Service Impacts in US/Canada 2020-04-10

The shutdowns keep hitting. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing:
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are asking you wear a mask, board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding.

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Downeaster, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Hiawatha, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Acela, Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory (h/t u/InfiNorth)
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. Some sleeper service is canceled. VIA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until May 1st: The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax), Toronto-Niagara Falls (until further notice), JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert, The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver)
Limited service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (Kingston-Torronto-London is canceled, most trains canceled)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced service - Canada

h/t u/taxorenxuan, u/earlyenrichment, u/SojuCondo, u/TTC_Tokens, u/TC1827

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

Reduced Service - USA

Michigan transit: (h/t u/alitales and u/NixillUmbreon)
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Transit Impacts in US/Canada for 2020-05-18

😷 Wear a mask as you're coming back. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing.
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are requiring you wear a mask. Most ask you board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. Mask requirements are marked with "⚠️" and are because of state orders.
If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!
(I have also taken the time to clean up and organize the list a bit)

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info 05-13
Note: All overnight trains (except Auto Train) will switch to Flexible Dining menus. Some Cafe service is suspended.
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
Replaced w/bus (Thruway): Hiawatha (4/24-5/25)
Returning: Limited Acela starting June 1st
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory 05-06
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. IA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until further notice: Toronto-Niagara Falls
Canceled until June 1st: JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert
Suspended until Nov 1st: The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver), The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax)
Limited schedule service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (All-stop service, round trips on each line only)
No sleeper: Winnipeg-Churchill route (until Nov 1)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced Service - Canada - Improving

Reduced Service - Canada

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

East Coast

Mid-Country

West Coast

Michigan

Reduced Service - USA

East Coast

Mid-country

West Coast

Michigan

Hat-Tips

u/alitales u/NixillUmbreon u/Steaks_on_a_Plane u/voxadam u/cincy_transit_guy u/mohaas06 u/taxorenxuan u/earlyenrichment u/SojuCondo u/TTC_Tokens u/TC1827 u/InfiNorth u/Bombpants u/sebileis u/Pwheatstraw2000 u/Vectrex452
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Service Impacts in US/Canada 2020-04-14

The shutdowns keep hitting. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing:
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are asking you wear a mask, board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Hiawatha, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Acela, Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory (h/t u/InfiNorth)
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. Some sleeper service is canceled. VIA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until May 1st: The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax), Toronto-Niagara Falls (until further notice), JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert, The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver)
Limited service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (Kingston-Torronto-London is canceled, most trains canceled)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced service - Canada

h/t u/taxorenxuan, u/earlyenrichment, u/SojuCondo, u/TTC_Tokens, u/TC1827

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

Reduced Service - USA

Michigan transit: (h/t u/alitales and u/NixillUmbreon)
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Impacts to transit in US/Canada 2020-04-26

The financial hit to transit is now taking hold. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing:
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are asking you wear a mask, board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. Mask requirements are marked with "!!!" If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Note: All overnight trains (except Auto Train) will switch to Flexible Dining menus. Some Cafe service is suspended.
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Acela, Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
Replaced w/bus (Thruway): Hiawatha (4/24-5/25)
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory (h/t u/InfiNorth)
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. Some sleeper service is canceled. VIA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until May 1st: The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax), Toronto-Niagara Falls (until further notice)
Canceled until June 1st: JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert, The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver)
Limited service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (Kingston-Torronto-London is canceled, most trains canceled)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced service - Canada

h/t u/taxorenxuan, u/earlyenrichment, u/SojuCondo, u/TTC_Tokens, u/TC1827

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

Reduced Service - USA

Michigan transit: (h/t u/alitales and u/NixillUmbreon)
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

COVID-19 Service Impacts in US/Canada as of 2020-04-20

Further reductions and mask requirments are hitting. I'm posting these with a historical intent. Links where possible, and let me know if your local is missing:
NOTE: MOST AGENCIES ARE ASKING FOR ESSENTIAL TRAVEL ONLY -- MEDICAL AND SUPPLY RUNS, JOB TRANSIT FOR THOSE WHO PROVIDE THOSE SERVICES. STAY HOME! EXPECT DELAYS AS THEY RUN CRITICALLY LOW ON STAFF.
Many agencies are asking you wear a mask, board from the back, and are putting limits on passenger boarding. Mask requirements are marked with "!!!" If the agency has a pass app, please pay for the ride through it -- it helps the agency!

Country-wide

AMTRAK: Covid-19 info
Reduced: NEC, Hartford Line, Thruway Buses, Capitol Corridor, Empire Service, Ethan Allen Express, Illini/Saluki, Illinos ZephyCarl Sanburg, Lincoln Service, Missouri River Runner, Pacific Surfliner, Piedmont, San Joaquins, Valley Flyer, Vermonter (no service north of New Haven M-Sat, no service Sun), Wolverine
Split Service: California Zephyr (no service Reno to Denver), Palmetto (NY to DC only April 3-5)
Terminated before Canada, Reduced service: Maple Leaf (terminates Niagra Falls), Adirondack (terminates Albany, NY), Cascades (terminates Seattle).
Canceled: Acela, Keystone, Pennsylvanian, Winter Park Express, Pere Marquette, Carolinian, Downeaster
Replaced w/bus (Thruway): Hiawatha (4/24-5/25)
VIA RAIL (CANADA): Covid-19 advisory (h/t u/InfiNorth)
Meal service is reduced to snacks and drinks. Some sleeper service is canceled. VIA Rail will refuse passengers who are sick w/o doctors note.
Canceled until May 1st: The Ocean (Montreal to Halifax), Toronto-Niagara Falls (until further notice), JaspePrince George/Prince Rupert, The Canadian (Toronto to Vancouver)
Limited service: Montreal-Jonquiere/Senneterre (Friday/Sunday departures), Sudbury-White River (Weekend only), Quebec City/Winsor corridor (Kingston-Torronto-London is canceled, most trains canceled)

State/Provence and City

Shut down/demand ride only

Michigan:

Reduced service - Canada

h/t u/taxorenxuan, u/earlyenrichment, u/SojuCondo, u/TTC_Tokens, u/TC1827

Reduced Service - USA - Improving

Reduced Service - USA

Michigan transit: (h/t u/alitales and u/NixillUmbreon)
submitted by STrRedWolf to transit [link] [comments]

Trip Report: Honeymoon to Tokyo, Kyoto, and Seoul (875k pt spend)

My wife and I just returned from our honeymoon to Japan and Korea. We booked all travel accommodations using points to book a luxury vacation to Japan and Korea! Overall, we used a total of 875,000 points. I would have loved to make it a "million point vacation", but I couldn't find a way to spend our AA or MR points to add extra value :). Since this is the AwardTravel subreddit, most of this trip report will focus on the travel accommodations booked with points, but I'll still include a short description of other activities we enjoyed since I know there's a lot of other travelers looking for an opportunity to visit Japan and Korea.

The Flight - Korean Air First Class

Our travel began with a first-class flight on Korean Air leaving from IAD. Normally, KAL first-class passengers would be allowed access to the AirFrance/KLM lounge. Unfortunately, this lounge is currently closed for renovation so we were instead directed to the Virgin Atlantic lounge (although it looks like AirFrance and KLM passengers get to use the Etihad lounge). This lounge was nothing exciting. We were there for breakfast, and although they did have some hot options, the food was pretty bad. I tried a small bite of everything, but the only food there that I enjoyed was an apple. On the bright side, they did have cold beer, wine, and a small selection of hard liquor as well as a nice view of the tarmac and plenty of comfortable seating.
This was our first time travelling anything other than coach/economy, so both of us were very excited to see if first class was everything it's chocked up to be. Compared to every other flight I've had, this flight was unbelievably enjoyable. I was worried that 14 hours of flight time would be uncomfortable regardless of which class we were flying, but by the end of the flight I was disappointed we had to deplane. Korean Air uses the Boeing 777-300ER for the IAD-ICN flight, which features the new-ish Kosmo Suites 2.0. These first-class suites are huge. They have plenty of storage compartments, a USB charging port in the in-flight entertainment console, and an international-compatible AC outlet on the floor. As most reviews of Korean Air flights say, the in-flight entertainment is pretty lacking. Luckily I had the first 7 seasons of Game of Thrones downloaded to my laptop which I happily watched with the noise-cancelling Bose headphones they provide. I think what I was most surprised with was how many flight attendants they seemed to have devoted completely to first-class guests. It seemed like they had 1 flight attendant for every two passengers, but maybe some of them sneaked away to serve business/coach when I wasn't looking. Regardless, I was very impressed with how briskly I was tended to each time I pressed the call button.
The food service was great considering we were eating 40,000 ft in the sky. As soon as we left the ground, our flight attendant showed us the drink menu and took both meal orders ("dinner" as the first meal, and "lunch" as the second). Nether my wife nor I drink, but my uncultured palette thought the champagne tasted great. The meal service started with an amuse bouche of cream-cheese stuffed tomato and mushroom, followed by a serving of caviar with traditional accompaniments. For my first meal I chose Korean Air's famous Bibimbap served with soup, banchan, and a side of bulgogi. For how simple this meal looks, it was excellent - especially the bulgogi. For dessert, they served very good fresh fruit, cheese, and crackers followed by an unremarkable chocolate pound cake. After watching a few more episodes of Game of Thrones, my flight attendant asked if I would like my bed made. She grabbed a mattress topper and a nice comfy blanket, fully reclined my seat, and made my bed into what felt like a normal twin-size bed. I changed into the pajamas they provided and slept very well for a few hours. As a midnight snack I decided to try a bowl of spicy ramen, which lived up to its namsake of "spicy" by being a little too hot for my enjoyment. Luckily they also had cookies and milk on the menu, which I was very delighted to hear from the flight attendant when she said "I'm sorry, it will take about 8 minutes for me to bake them fresh for you". No worries - I have never been disappointed to wait for freshly baked cookies, and they certainly did not disappoint this time. After sleeping for a few more hours, my wife woke me up to let me know I only had a couple more hours until we landed. For lunch, they offered a nice "build your own salad" station with a blend of greens, veggies, and anchovy. It was nice to have something crisp and refreshing since I was feeling groggy after waking up. For my second meal I chose the Chilean Sea Bass with veggies. I really enjoyed it, but my wife wasn't too impressed. For dessert they served fruit and cheese again.
Upon landing, we weren't able to enjoy any of the lounges at the ICN airport since we only had 45 minutes to catch our connecting flight. After spending about 10 minutes looking for a lounge with a shower, we decided that we didn't have time and proceeded to our gate. The ~2.5 hour flight from ICN to NRT was on an Airbus A300-330. The first-class seating on this flight actually looked identical to the business class. The seats were still lie-flat, but it was about two-thirds the size. Again, I got the Bibimbap for my meal, even though it didn't come with the side of bulgogi this time. The flight was over before I knew it, and again the customer service we received was excellent.

Tokyo - Ritz Carlton

After getting our bags and going through customs and immigration, I had to figure out how to get to our first destination: The Ritz Carlton Tokyo. There's normally a "limousine bus" that leaves from the Narita airport that stops at our hotel, but because we weren't ready to depart from the airport until about 9:30pm there were no more buses for the day that stopped at The Ritz. There's also a train that goes directly to Tokyo Station, the "Narita Express (NEX)", but we also missed the last train for that. A quick Google search showed that it would cost about $300 to take a cab from the airport, we instead took a bus from the airport to a hotel about 2 miles from our hotel and took a cab from there. This was especially daunting considering my cellular data only worked for about 10 seconds every 10 minutes, it was getting late, and there was an obvious language barrier that made me wonder if we were headed in the right direction. But luckily, we made it to our hotel without too much effort. As expected, the customer service at The Ritz was great. Our bags were immediately taken for us when we stepped out of the cab and we were escorted to the main lobby on the 45th floor. When we stepped out of the elevator we were met by the live music of smooth jazz saxophone and a vocalist that made me think "god damn this is a swanky hotel". It got even better when we got to our room and were met with this view. They must clean the windows every day, because when you walk into the room you can't even tell there's a pane of glass there. It almost looks like an optical illusion. Having this great view was one of the highlights of the trip, and one of the biggest reasons to choose the Ritz Carlton when staying in Tokyo.
Again, I cannot believe how excellent the service was at this hotel. The concierge was great (for the most part - more on that later), turn-down service twice daily, spotlessly clean room and bathroom, etc. What really made them surpass my expectations were the little things. On Day 1 we used up all the complementary espresso pods, so during turn-down service the housekeeper left an extra box of espresso with a note (picture taken after we used some). Similarly, after a day when we used both complimentary bottles of water, after turn-down service we found two extra bottles of water with another endearing note. And one day when we mentioned to the concierge that we were celebrating my birthday and our honeymoon, we found this nice gift of chocolates in our room when we returned for the night (the heart and sphere were filled with chocolate covered almonds). Somehow I forgot to take pictures of our room. It was standard size as far as hotel rooms go, but the bathroom was exceptionally large. There was a bathtub, shower, two sinks, and a separate small room with the toilet. Speaking of the toilet, it seems like many toilets in Japan have built-in bidet systems with warm water and heated seats. This one was especially nice and had a "power deodorizer" that seemed to vacuum up the fumes directly from the bowl. Wouldn't be a deal-breaker if they didn't have it, but we enjoyed having a high-tech toilet for the first time in our lives :).
Like I said, the concierges were great with most of their recommendations. All of them were fluent in English and we enjoyed every activity/restaurant that was recommended, with one exception. For my birthday dinner we wanted to try some Japanese fine dining. We told the concierge our price limit of ~250/pp, and were recommended to try a traditional Japanese kaiseki at the Ritz Carlton's restaurant Hinokizaka. As expected, the view from our seats was excellent, and we were very happy to have some origami to take home with us as souvenirs. Unfortunately, those were the only things that we were impressed with. We've had the pleasure of dining at a handful of fine-dining restaurants and have never regretted splurging a few hundred dollars on a meal - until now. We were presented with two menu choices - one for $180 and the other $240. Without really looking too closely at the difference between the two menus we decided to get one of each. I still don't understand why the $240 menu was more expensive. Most dishes were nearly identical, but the $240 menu had one less course and there were no "ultra-luxury" items that would normally expect an upcharge like truffles, caviar, foie gras, etc. Without diving into detail on why each dish was disappointing, I'll just say that most dishes seemed poorly balanced - either too salty or too bitter. There was an herbal lemon jelly that several of the dishes used that completely overpowered the dish with a sour, bitter flavor that was, bluntly, disgusting. Maybe it's just that I don't like Japanese fine dining, because the restaurant seems to be well-reviewed elsewhere, but I will certainly not be going back for a ~$500 dinner. At least the presentation of the food was pretty.

Tokyo - Sightseeing Highlights

Tokyo was our favorite destination. Everything was surprisingly easy to navigate once we figured out that there are actually several distinct rail companies that share some of the same stations. At each of the rail stations we used, there was always staff that spoke English well enough to help us, and we were always made to feel welcome to the country. Every time we asked for help we were politely greeted and treated respectfully. Overall, it seems like Japan strongly encourages foreigners by having multi-language maps, easy to decipher pictures, and multi-lingual customer service to answer questions. The one really annoying thing that surprised me was the lack of trash cans. There were several times where we wanted to throw something away but instead just tossed it in our backpack because we walked for blocks without seeing a garbage can. The same thing goes for buying snacks in marketplaces - eat it and give your trash to the vendor you bought it from, otherwise be prepared to carry the trash with you all day. Somehow, the city seems pretty clean regardless.
While we were in Tokyo, we saw beautiful gardens and temples, and ate amazing food. Most of our time here was spent browsing for souvenirs around the various shopping districts (such as the famous Shibuya crossing area), falling in love with dogs at "puppy cafes", and playing wacky Japanese arcade games. We also spent half a day at DisneySea because my Wife is a Disney fanatic and she originally wanted to do DisneyWorld for our honeymoon.

Kyoto - Hyatt Regency

Compared to the Ritz Carlton, there's not really much to say about this hotel. Compared to most hotels, this was a very nice hotel. Compared to the Ritz Carlton, it was exceptionally normal. The service was pleasant and the concierge was able to recommend how to make the most of our time in Kyoto. From our second story window, we had absolutely no view - we could only see the wall of the building next door. Instead of a 65" top-of-the-line Sony Bravia, we instead had to watch Game of Thrones on a plebeian 42" display. We did not get gourmet chocolates left for us in our room, nor were any thoughtful handwritten notes left by the housekeeper. I know it's not fair to compare this Hyatt to the Ritz Carlton, so to be fair, this hotel was very nice. It was clean, comfortable, and conveniently located. Although I wouldn't recommend it at its cash price of ~$564/nt, I was happy to pay 20k Hyatt points to stay there.

Kyoto/Osaka - Sightseeing Highlights

We purchased the 7-day JR RailPass since I knew we'd use it for a round-trip to Tokyo-Kyoto-Osaka and a trip from Tokyo Station to Narita Airport. At ~$260 each, it more than paid for itself. You need to purchase the JR RailPass voucher while you're still in the United States, then bring the voucher with you to Japan. Exchanging the voucher at Tokyo Station was straightforward, and we were able to reserve a seat on the Shinkansen "Hikari" to Kyoto. After just under 3 hours, we arrived at Kyoto Station and took a complimentary taxi to our hotel.
Again, we saw some beautiful temples and ate lots of food. We took a day trip to Osaka using our JR RailPass. We decided not to get reserved seats and just hopped on the next available train, but unfortunately had to stand for the entire 45 minute journey. Osaka was an awesome city and probably deserved more than just a day trip. My wife loved the shopping areas there, and we also took a trip to Osaka Temple at night. While we were there they had an event going on called "Sakuya Lumina" where you stroll along the path to the temple and follow along with a short story of a girl from the future who's trying to get home. Along the way there are beautiful light shows and short movies, and a great photo spot where one of the employees offers to take photos with your phone. At the top, you get a great view of Osaka Temple close-up, where we also found some adorable and friendly stray cats.
Back in Kyoto, we had our most enjoyable day of the vacation. We took the subway to Arashiyama - most well known for its beautiful bamboo forest, temples, and most of all - the Iwatayama monkey park. It's a small hike and about $10 to get to the monkey park, but it's well worth it. When you reach the summit, there are dozens of Macaque monkeys just running around. There are a lot of employees around to stop tourists from touching the monkeys, but you can get pretty much as close as you want. The monkeys here are completely desensitized to humans are will walk right past you, even with their babies. There is a small hut with a fence for a wall where you can feed the monkeys potatoes and peanuts for $1/bag. We happened to be there during "feeding time" where one of the employees walks around and throws chestnuts and seeds on the ground which the monkeys go crazy for. I don't think there's anywhere else in the world where you can experience this, and it's a must-do during a visit to Kyoto.
While we were in Kyoto, we decided we had to try "real" Kobe Wagyu beef. I've had A5 wagyu once before at Cut in Beverly Hills, but I was excited to compare it to what Japan has to offer. And since my steak-loving wife has never tried it, I was especially excited to see her reaction to biting into the best steak shes ever had. The restaurant we chose, Premium Pound Gion, absolutely killed it. Each course was excellent, the ambiance was great (the whole restaurant is just a "chef's table" style seating), and steak was just as good as I remembered. If you've never had Kobe beef (note: the term "Kobe beef" has no significance in the USA, but "A5 wagyu" does; if you want to experience this type of steak in the USA, look for that designator) and aren't a vegetarian, you need to try it. It's worth it. Here are some pictures of the dinner.

Flight - Tokyo to Seoul

After taking the Shinkansen back to Tokyo and going back to the Ritz Carlton to pick some luggage we left there while we were in Kyoto, we spent the remainder of the day at DisneySea Tokyo then headed to our hotel airport to prepare for a 10:30am flight. The Hilton hotel we stayed at did have a very good breakfast buffet that included both Japanese and Western cuisine. For us it was complimentary thanks to the automatic HHonors Gold status provided by the Amex Hilton Ascend. The Korean Air lounge at NRT was pretty unremarkable - similar to the Virgin Atlantic lounge we used at IAD. They did have an area sectioned off for first-class only, which was pretty unnecessary since there was plenty of seating elsewhere. However, it was nice to be able to walk past the "first-class only" sign to let all the other lounge members know just how baller we are.
Just like the ICN-NRT flight, we were served a nice lunch followed be cheese and fruit. The same aircraft, A330-300, was used as well.

Seoul - Hilton Millennium

Unfortunately, with the exception of the Marriott Courtyard we stayed at in Dulles, this was the most disappointing stay of the trip. There wasn't anything awful about it, but this hotel just didn't have the same level of service as the others. When we arrived to the hotel, the doorman unloaded our bags for us but did not take them to our room. The concierge spoke English, but not very well. There was a doorman who assisted with taxis, but several times there were communication problems due to translation. Overall, the hotel staff seemed a little indifferent. In comparison to all the hotels I've ever stayed at, this probably still ranks in the top 50%, but is in a completely different category than the other hotels we stayed at for this trip. On the plus side, they give out free $10 vouchers per person per day to the casino attached to the hotel, which we were always sure to cash out before we left for the day. We also got free breakfast and "cocktail hour" snacks which were always mediocre. We had breakfast most days because it was provided for free, but I would not suggest paying for it if you're not an HHonors Gold member.

Seoul - Sightseeing Highlights

While we were in Seoul, we took a cab pretty much everywhere that wasn't within walking distance. The prices were cabs in Seoul are cheaper than any other city I've taken cabs (DC, NYC, Tokyo, Kyoto), and are barely more expensive than taking the metro. Most fares were less than $10, the most expensive being a ~22 minute cab to Gangnam costing about $13.
Again, we love to try exotic food, so we made sure to experience as much of the local cuisine and street food that we could try. The highlights were the freshly fried sweet "Korean pancake" filled with honey and walnuts and the muskmelon bingsu with ice cream that was surprisingly delicious considering how pretty it looked. We also had Korean BBQ from a restaurant called "The Marbling" that we went to twice because we enjoyed it so much. We really enjoyed walking through the markets and buying junky souvenirs. We also took a guided tour that I would not recommend since it ended with a trip to a "ginseng museum" where they locked us in a sales room for 30 minutes where we were relentlessly pitched to by salespeople to get us to buy hundreds of dollars worth of "cancer-preventing, life-lengthening, energizing ginseng".

Flight - Seoul to Dulles

The check-in for KAL first class flyers is pretty unique at ICN. There's a "first class check-in lounge" prior to security where you're served beverages while your bags are checked. I thought this was a nice touch compared to the normal check-in experience, even though we only stayed for a few minutes before going through security. From what I understand, there's several different Korean Air lounges at ICN. There's the "normal" KAL lounge that anyone can access, the miler lounge that can only be accessed by million milers, and then there's the first-class only lounge. We spent all of our time in the first class lounge, which was the nicest lounge of the trip. We had an early flight home so they were serving breakfast - an assortment of Korean and Western options as well as ice cream, beer, wine, and a small assortment of hard liquor. They also had table service where you could order eggs or a couple other traditional Korean breakfast options. They also had a massage chair, but I couldn't figure out how to work it because all of the controls were in Korean.
The flight was the same as the original IAD-ICN leg with some slightly different but equally delicious food options. After 14 hours of eating, sleeping, watching Game of Thrones, eating, and sleeping, we were back to real life in Dulles where we had a 3 hour drive home.

Award Redemption and Cost Analysis

Night # Hotel Avg Pts/nt Avg cash rate cpp
1 Marriott Courtyard (Dulles) 16,000 $270 1.69
2 In-flight N/A N/A N/A
3 Ritz-Carlton (Tokyo) 48,000 $1155 2.41
4 Ritz-Carlton (Tokyo) 48,000 $1155 2.41
5 Ritz-Carlton (Tokyo) 48,000 $1155 2.41
6 Ritz-Carlton (Tokyo) 48,000 $1155 2.41
7 Ritz-Carlton (Tokyo) 48,000 $1155 2.41
8 Hyatt Regency (Kyoto) 25,000 $564 2.26
9 Hyatt Regency (Kyoto) 25,000 $564 2.26
10 Hyatt Regency (Kyoto) 25,000 $564 2.26
11 Hilton (Narita) 20,000 $130 .65
12 Hilton Millennium (Seoul) 55,000 $221 .40
13 Hilton Millennium (Seoul) 55,000 $221 .40
14 Hilton Millennium (Seoul) 55,000 $221 .40
15 Hilton Millennium (Seoul) 55,000 $221 .40
Total: $8751
First class on Korean Air: 320,000 + $800 in taxes/fees (total for two passengers). Cash "value" is $39,541 (~12cpp).
Total points used:
Brand Points
Marriott 240,000
Hilton 240,000
Hyatt (UR transfer) 75,000
Skypass (UR transfer) 320,000
Annual fees paid to accumulate these points:
Card Annual fee
Chase Sapphire Reserve $450
Chase Sapphire Reserve $450
Chase Sapphire Preferred $95
Chase Sapphire Preferred $95
Hilton Ascend $95
Hilton Ascend $95
Chase Marriott $95
Chase Marriott $95
Total: $1470
Approximate spending during travel (note: these are rough approximations that I made by taking our total amount spent, $3336.39, and estimating the proportion spent toward each category other than food, then assuming that the rest was on food):
Category Amount
Food $2386.39
Transportation (taxi, subway, bus) $250
Transportation (JRPass) $560
Activities $400
Souvenirs $300
Total: $3896.39
 
Cash spend (travel accommodations, including fees paid to accrue points): $2,270
Cash spend (expenses during travel): ~$3,900

Total cost of vacation: $6170

Conclusion

The many hours of accumulating points, learning from /churning and /awardtravel, and planning our itinerary were well worth it. I can't wait to build up our points bank in preparation for our next big redemption. Even though I'm glad we flew first class once, I don't think we'll splurge on it again. Business class seems adequate, even though the seats are a fair bit smaller. At least first class seats had plenty of availability so planning around our schedules and only flying non-peak season was not an issue. The Ritz Carlton Tokyo was amazing and well worth the points, but unfortunately due to Marriott award redemption change this hotel will now cost 85k points instead of 60k. It may still be worth it if you have the points to get the 5th night free. The Hyatt Regency was nice, but definitely not worth the cash rate. The Hilton Millennium was probably not worth the amount of points we blew on it, but Hilton points are pretty worthless anyway. The Conrad in Seoul may have been a better option - it's hard to say, they have similar reviews. If you go to Japan, go to Arashiyama and the Iwatayama Monkey Park! Also, early May turned out to be a great time of the year to travel to Japan/Korea. Every day was in the low 70s and mostly sunny - perfect weather!
submitted by DyslexicHobo to awardtravel [link] [comments]

1.5 yr later update of my knife-wielding FMIL; things are worse than ever and really impacting my relationship with my GF

Backstory/ first post from Oct 2017
My gf and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years ago. I’m 30, she’s almost 24. I wrote this about 6 months into our relationship (couldn’t remember old account password): https://www.reddit.com/JUSTNOMIL/comments/787f4k/gfs_22f_moms_crazy_behavior_is_straining_ou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ios_share_flow_optimization&utm_term=control_1
it’s a doozy. Long, long story short it was looking for advice not only on various crazy outbursts including knife-wielding, but on my gf’s mom controlling her life. Her mom can’t understand my relationship is with my gf, not her. Things worked out for a month or so after writing that...until my gf said she wanted to end things. A few weeks after that, I fly out at the holidays and we work things out.
It was during this visit I found out for over a month while we were together she had not only been on tinder talking to other guys and having explicit conversations, but trying to meet up with a few. I was devastated by what I saw. Really crushed. One of the guys had a gf at the time and they were both talking about keeping it a secret, etc. This asshole will return later in the story.
But I forgave her. I let her know it could never happen again though, and the guys you tried meeting with need to be out of your life. We get back together and a year and a half later, here we are. Before I go into the story prompting this post, let me give a rundown of the litany of terrible things that have happened, most in the last 1.5 yrs since writing my original post:
Examples
Her mom is controlling her relationships. That’s not right. In the post I made a year and a half ago I said “she shows no signs of her mother’s traits at all”. It’s taken a complete 180. Yes, she’s still amazing with kids and all the other stuff I liked, etc, but the single biggest thing her mom does, saying she wants X then moments later reversing and saying she wants Y, is something I see a lot in my gf now.
Recent events prompting this post
Pre-Visit
The recent chain of events: last three visits in a row were flying to see me (thanksgiving break, after Christmas, and in March) because as I tried telling her, once she starts working in summer it will be difficult for her to take long periods off and far easier for me to visit her (working from home). Next planned visit perfectly coincided with her graduation and early summer: I’d fly out to her, we would go to a cabin in Gettysburg for my birthday, do half a week in Atlantic City to celebrate graduation, then after graduation day her mom got a free stay in a casino in Maryland for the weekend as her graduation present (ugh) and then we would fly back to my place together to spend a week.
Maryland and my place never ended up happening. During this time my gf was applying to grad school, hoping to get into a one year program because she said she couldn’t afford two yr. It became a sort of tug of war between me and her mom: me encouraging grad school (even 2 yr programs) and her mom demanding she start working right away. Long story, well, it shouldn’t surprise you who she listened to. So what was once her mom yelling at my gf about not going to grad school became yelling about getting a job.
Things take a new turn when two weeks before I were to leave, her mom goes through everything in her room: she read through every single private letter, note, picture, memento, anything (and there’s a lot) that my gf has from me. My gf smokes a good amount of weed and I sent her rolling papers (the very very legal kind you can get at any corner gas station). Her mom flips out, gf has to stay with friends for a few days. Her mom calls me, calls MY mom, and messages a police chief friend of hers (later says this never happened but I saw the screenshots and it looked legit) that I’m a drug dealer.
At this point I’m not mad, I’m scared. The women who’s shown she consistently cries wolf now might try to get me in trouble for something that is a TOTAL fabrication? In her text to me she said I can forget about Maryland and staying at there house. So, for the weekend in between Gettysburg and Atlantic City I arrange to stay at my buddy’s house, and get my ticket to return right after her graduation, skipping the Maryland weekend.
The mom’s crocodile tears got my gf. EVERY day for two weeks prior to leaving every conversation would devolve into pouting “why can’t you come to Maryland”? We literally couldn’t even plan Gettysburg, Atlantic City, or graduation details because she refused to move on past Maryland. I tried explaining: with the INTENSE episode that’s happened the last few weeks, don’t you think a little space is a good thing? I have all summer, The rest of my life to spend time with them. Serious shit just went down and considering past history (not to mention how busy we will be with my birthday and your grad celebrating) it’s ok to skip this weekend- not to mention I already bought my ticket.
Then it became “why can’t you call my mom and apologize?” She wanted me to call her parents and apologize because her parents went through her stuff and all my private mementos and accused me of heinous deeds. I was in disbelief. But my gf was so, SO dead set. I relented and called them: the call lasted 90 seconds. I said one sentence (about how she dug through her daughters stuff), she flipped out, and hung up on me.
My gf briefly sides with me then a day later is back to pouting, “why can’t you call my parents againnn?” Long story short I did. We talked fine about nothing new (“we just want to get to know you more”, etc) and I explained how going off what she told me, I purchased my ticket to come back before the Maryland weekend.
During the visit
My gf still pouts until the day I leave. The first day we are together is wonderful as always, but then the fights start again. The first one on day 2 was small (me wanting to spend time at her place while her parents are gone) but then my birthday the next day another fight erupts. I was annoyed how the whole day she kept making quips like (I’m paraphrasing), “better do what you want on your birthday today because tomorrow is back to normal!”, contrast that to what I do for her, calling it a birthWEEK and try to make the whole week special for her. Sex the night of my birthday is a disaster, a huge fight erupts and I’m shaken to the core: it would be bad enough anytime but on my birthday?
The next day she barely says a word until about 3pm; then things go back to normal for a couple days. The night we left I planned a beautiful sunset picnic overlooking the whole park, but her mom keeps badgering her via text the whole time, “why haven’t you left yet?!”. A girl in her mid-20s can’t make decisions on her own?
I spend the weekend at my friends, we have fun. Gf is at home and guess what- her mom is having another fit. I have her admit that had I stayed there, things would have just been worse.
The next few days in Atlantic City is relatively fine but at this point I’m not happy. I’m demoralized and disheartened. I was grumpy twice that I can remember, about little things. Twice we had to go to the bank that week to send her mom winnings (we don’t gamble but casinos have “free play” so of course we used it).
Graduation is fine, wonderful actually: I’m so, so proud of her. I make sure to get about 1,000 photos on my nice camera of her (her family just had cell phones.)
Post-visit up to now
Remember how after Maryland she was going to come visit me for a week before starting work? I wanted to prioritize spending time with her on my visit so I waited to plan her visit til I returned. Instead of seeing me around Memorial Day (when I had off, it worked out perfectly), her mom got her a room in Atlantic City (you have to gamble a lot to get comped rooms on a holiday weekend). Instead of seeing me on a perfect, free week, she did something she can do literally any weekend this summer. I was not happy. I told her how she’s going to be starting work and won’t have as much time to visit me, coupled with the fact for two years I have planned (and paid) for every trip.
I’m slightly more distant for a few days, but when she has to go to an MRI and turns out she has a litany of back problems, I’m there for her. She would text me in pain every morning, called me sobbing after her mri results two weeks ago. She also starts her new job around Memorial Day; I figure between the intense back pain and the stress of the new job, she’s busy. We go days without phone talking, yet just a few weeks earlier I’d spend hours a day on the phone with her. I think something is off but she did say “I’m so busy I don’t even want to talk to my parents when I get home.” I know the feeling well so of course I just give her space.
I rarely use social media, I logged onto Instagram and noticed her newest picture and my heart sank. The guy she tried cheating with a year and half ago liked it. He now follows her and she follows him.
I’m in shock. I call her and she keeps me waiting for 90 minutes before she calls back. I said how could you associate with him? You literally promised to me you wouldn’t? Her best friend was hooking up with a guy cheating on his gf for a year and allllllllll my gf did was bash it and talk about how morally repugnant it was...what was her reply now? “I don’t care”. She goes on to clarify that what she did a year and a half ago wasn’t “real” cheating but “emotional” cheating. I tell her that’s cosmo Snapchat story bullshit.
And that when she started going into how she wanted to break up. It was an exact repeat of what happened a year and a half ago: huge fight ensures with her mom, she looks for attention from other guys and tries to break up.
She says the biggest issue is that I don’t want to spend time with her family. Second issue how she wants to live by her family. And third, the how much fighting we’ve been doing lately.
What I’m about to say is mean and unfair. I don’t like it, but I’m trying to be honest in this post: I’ve given her family more time and opportunities than any other guy would put up with.
Second, I’ve told her multiple times: I don’t care where we live, but it’s ridiculous to plan your whole life just so you can stay around parents who treat you like shit (and like I’ve told her: your mom should be moving where you go!). As for her third point, yeah there have been a lot of fights...but don’t you realize 98% of them stem from/involve your mother in some way?
I should add, my gf is a regular smoker and hasn’t smoked weed in about two months (even though she’s had her job for three weeks now, I feel like her mom still has her scared about it)
So...
I’m just sort of taken aback on every level. It feels like the same thing from a year and a half ago is happening all over again; and the thing that kills me is how GOOD and supportive I am to her. I swear I don’t mean it as hubris I’m just being honest: I’ve been there every step of the way with her, I’ve been her one steady, consistent rock; I’ve never had anything but her best interests in mind. It’s like...it’s the principle at this point: you’re trying to break up with me? Is this a joke?
Clearly I’m a fool for going along with this, but you have to understand there are about 10,000 little examples that gave me hope, that made me think maybe things would improve- and, for a while, seemed to be clear evidence it was, like all the times she said she wanted to move in with me. I feel like for many months it was headed that way, and all came crashing down recently.
So many of the posts I see here involve supportive significant others who know how bad the situation is...How can someone who has it so much worse than many of the stories I’ve read here (not that it’s a contest, just comparatively speaking) still defend everything her mom does and spurn all the times I’ve been her shoulder to cry on? Is my gf’s callous behavior coming from within or a product of all this maternal discord?
TL;DR: long list of examples of FMIL crazy behavio summary of current fighting between us going on the last month or two/ culminating in my gf talking to guy she cheated with and trying to end things. I feel like my gf’s cold and hurtful behavior has her mother at its roots.
submitted by desperateforadvice13 to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]

Two years of enduring my [30m] gf’s [23f] defense of her mom’s horrid behavior is deteriorating our relationship...now she’s talking with a guy she tried cheating on me with

Many people in JUSTNOMIL told me to post this here. It’s copied verbatim except for the title.
Backstory/ first post from Oct 2017
My gf and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years ago. I’m 30, she’s almost 24. I wrote this about 6 months into our relationship (couldn’t remember old account password): https://www.reddit.com/JUSTNOMIL/comments/787f4k/gfs_22f_moms_crazy_behavior_is_straining_ou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ios_share_flow_optimization&utm_term=control_1
it’s a doozy. Long, long story short it was looking for advice not only on various crazy outbursts including knife-wielding, but on my gf’s mom controlling her life. Her mom can’t understand my relationship is with my gf, not her. Things worked out for a month or so after writing that...until my gf said she wanted to end things. A few weeks after that, I fly out at the holidays and we work things out.
It was during this visit I found out for over a month while we were together she had not only been on tinder talking to other guys and having explicit conversations, but trying to meet up with a few. I was devastated by what I saw. Really crushed. One of the guys had a gf at the time and they were both talking about keeping it a secret, etc. This asshole will return later in the story.
But I forgave her. I let her know it could never happen again though, and the guys you tried meeting with need to be out of your life. We get back together and a year and a half later, here we are. Before I go into the story prompting this post, let me give a rundown of the litany of terrible things that have happened, most in the last 1.5 yrs since writing my original post:
Examples
Her mom is controlling her relationships. That’s not right. In the post I made a year and a half ago I said “she shows no signs of her mother’s traits at all”. It’s taken a complete 180. Yes, she’s still amazing with kids and all the other stuff I liked, etc, but the single biggest thing her mom does, saying she wants X then moments later reversing and saying she wants Y, is something I see a lot in my gf now.
Recent events prompting this post
Pre-Visit
The recent chain of events: last three visits in a row were flying to see me (thanksgiving break, after Christmas, and in March) because as I tried telling her, once she starts working in summer it will be difficult for her to take long periods off and far easier for me to visit her (working from home). Next planned visit perfectly coincided with her graduation and early summer: I’d fly out to her, we would go to a cabin in Gettysburg for my birthday, do half a week in Atlantic City to celebrate graduation, then after graduation day her mom got a free stay in a casino in Maryland for the weekend as her graduation present (ugh) and then we would fly back to my place together to spend a week.
Maryland and my place never ended up happening. During this time my gf was applying to grad school, hoping to get into a one year program because she said she couldn’t afford two yr. It became a sort of tug of war between me and her mom: me encouraging grad school (even 2 yr programs) and her mom demanding she start working right away. Long story, well, it shouldn’t surprise you who she listened to. So what was once her mom yelling at my gf about not going to grad school became yelling about getting a job.
Things take a new turn when two weeks before I were to leave, her mom goes through everything in her room: she read through every single private letter, note, picture, memento, anything (and there’s a lot) that my gf has from me. My gf smokes a good amount of weed and I sent her rolling papers (the very very legal kind you can get at any corner gas station). Her mom flips out, gf has to stay with friends for a few days. Her mom calls me, calls MY mom, and messages a police chief friend of hers (later says this never happened but I saw the screenshots and it looked legit) that I’m a drug dealer.
At this point I’m not mad, I’m scared. The women who’s shown she consistently cries wolf now might try to get me in trouble for something that is a TOTAL fabrication? In her text to me she said I can forget about Maryland and staying at there house. So, for the weekend in between Gettysburg and Atlantic City I arrange to stay at my buddy’s house, and get my ticket to return right after her graduation, skipping the Maryland weekend.
The mom’s crocodile tears got my gf. EVERY day for two weeks prior to leaving every conversation would devolve into pouting “why can’t you come to Maryland”? We literally couldn’t even plan Gettysburg, Atlantic City, or graduation details because she refused to move on past Maryland. I tried explaining: with the INTENSE episode that’s happened the last few weeks, don’t you think a little space is a good thing? I have all summer, The rest of my life to spend time with them. Serious shit just went down and considering past history (not to mention how busy we will be with my birthday and your grad celebrating) it’s ok to skip this weekend- not to mention I already bought my ticket.
Then it became “why can’t you call my mom and apologize?” She wanted me to call her parents and apologize because her parents went through her stuff and all my private mementos and accused me of heinous deeds. I was in disbelief. But my gf was so, SO dead set. I relented and called them: the call lasted 90 seconds. I said one sentence (about how she dug through her daughters stuff), she flipped out, and hung up on me.
My gf briefly sides with me then a day later is back to pouting, “why can’t you call my parents againnn?” Long story short I did. We talked fine about nothing new (“we just want to get to know you more”, etc) and I explained how going off what she told me, I purchased my ticket to come back before the Maryland weekend.
During the visit
My gf still pouts until the day I leave. The first day we are together is wonderful as always, but then the fights start again. The first one on day 2 was small (me wanting to spend time at her place while her parents are gone) but then my birthday the next day another fight erupts. I was annoyed how the whole day she kept making quips like (I’m paraphrasing), “better do what you want on your birthday today because tomorrow is back to normal!”, contrast that to what I do for her, calling it a birthWEEK and try to make the whole week special for her. Sex the night of my birthday is a disaster, a huge fight erupts and I’m shaken to the core: it would be bad enough anytime but on my birthday?
The next day she barely says a word until about 3pm; then things go back to normal for a couple days. The night we left I planned a beautiful sunset picnic overlooking the whole park, but her mom keeps badgering her via text the whole time, “why haven’t you left yet?!”. A girl in her mid-20s can’t make decisions on her own?
I spend the weekend at my friends, we have fun. Gf is at home and guess what- her mom is having another fit. I have her admit that had I stayed there, things would have just been worse.
The next few days in Atlantic City is relatively fine but at this point I’m not happy. I’m demoralized and disheartened. I was grumpy twice that I can remember, about little things. Twice we had to go to the bank that week to send her mom winnings (we don’t gamble but casinos have “free play” so of course we used it).
Graduation is fine, wonderful actually: I’m so, so proud of her. I make sure to get about 1,000 photos on my nice camera of her (her family just had cell phones.)
Post-visit up to now
Remember how after Maryland she was going to come visit me for a week before starting work? I wanted to prioritize spending time with her on my visit so I waited to plan her visit til I returned. Instead of seeing me around Memorial Day (when I had off, it worked out perfectly), her mom got her a room in Atlantic City (you have to gamble a lot to get comped rooms on a holiday weekend). Instead of seeing me on a perfect, free week, she did something she can do literally any weekend this summer. I was not happy. I told her how she’s going to be starting work and won’t have as much time to visit me, coupled with the fact for two years I have planned (and paid) for every trip.
I’m slightly more distant for a few days, but when she has to go to an MRI and turns out she has a litany of back problems, I’m there for her. She would text me in pain every morning, called me sobbing after her mri results two weeks ago. She also starts her new job around Memorial Day; I figure between the intense back pain and the stress of the new job, she’s busy. We go days without phone talking, yet just a few weeks earlier I’d spend hours a day on the phone with her. I think something is off but she did say “I’m so busy I don’t even want to talk to my parents when I get home.” I know the feeling well so of course I just give her space.
I rarely use social media, I logged onto Instagram and noticed her newest picture and my heart sank. The guy she tried cheating with a year and half ago liked it. He now follows her and she follows him.
I’m in shock. I call her and she keeps me waiting for 90 minutes before she calls back. I said how could you associate with him? You literally promised to me you wouldn’t? Her best friend was hooking up with a guy cheating on his gf for a year and allllllllll my gf did was bash it and talk about how morally repugnant it was...what was her reply now? “I don’t care”. She goes on to clarify that what she did a year and a half ago wasn’t “real” cheating but “emotional” cheating. I tell her that’s cosmo Snapchat story bullshit.
And that when she started going into how she wanted to break up. It was an exact repeat of what happened a year and a half ago: huge fight ensures with her mom, she looks for attention from other guys and tries to break up.
She says the biggest issue is that I don’t want to spend time with her family. Second issue how she wants to live by her family. And third, the how much fighting we’ve been doing lately.
What I’m about to say is mean and unfair. I don’t like it, but I’m trying to be honest in this post: I’ve given her family more time and opportunities than any other guy would put up with.
Second, I’ve told her multiple times: I don’t care where we live, but it’s ridiculous to plan your whole life just so you can stay around parents who treat you like shit (and like I’ve told her: your mom should be moving where you go!). As for her third point, yeah there have been a lot of fights...but don’t you realize 98% of them stem from/involve your mother in some way?
I should add, my gf is a regular smoker and hasn’t smoked weed in about two months (even though she’s had her job for three weeks now, I feel like her mom still has her scared about it)
So...
I’m just sort of taken aback on every level. It feels like the same thing from a year and a half ago is happening all over again; and the thing that kills me is how GOOD and supportive I am to her. I swear I don’t mean it as hubris I’m just being honest: I’ve been there every step of the way with her, I’ve been her one steady, consistent rock; I’ve never had anything but her best interests in mind. It’s like...it’s the principle at this point: you’re trying to break up with me? Is this a joke?
Clearly I’m a fool for going along with this, but you have to understand there are about 10,000 little examples that gave me hope, that made me think maybe things would improve- and, for a while, seemed to be clear evidence it was, like all the times she said she wanted to move in with me. I feel like for many months it was headed that way, and all came crashing down recently.
So many of the posts I see here involve supportive significant others who know how bad the situation is...How can someone who has it so much worse than many of the stories I’ve read here (not that it’s a contest, just comparatively speaking) still defend everything her mom does and spurn all the times I’ve been her shoulder to cry on? Is my gf’s callous behavior coming from within or a product of all this maternal discord?
TL;DR: long list of examples of FMIL crazy behavio summary of current fighting between us going on the last month or two/ culminating in my gf talking to guy she cheated with and trying to end things. I feel like my gf’s cold and hurtful behavior has her mother at its roots.
Backstory/ first post from Oct 2017
My gf and I have been in a long distance relationship for two years ago. I’m 30, she’s almost 24. I wrote this about 6 months into our relationship (couldn’t remember old account password): https://www.reddit.com/JUSTNOMIL/comments/787f4k/gfs_22f_moms_crazy_behavior_is_straining_ou?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ios_share_flow_optimization&utm_term=control_1
it’s a doozy. Long, long story short it was looking for advice not only on various crazy outbursts including knife-wielding, but on my gf’s mom controlling her life. Her mom can’t understand my relationship is with my gf, not her. Things worked out for a month or so after writing that...until my gf said she wanted to end things. A few weeks after that, I fly out at the holidays and we work things out.
It was during this visit I found out for over a month while we were together she had not only been on tinder talking to other guys and having explicit conversations, but trying to meet up with a few. I was devastated by what I saw. Really crushed. One of the guys had a gf at the time and they were both talking about keeping it a secret, etc. This asshole will return later in the story.
But I forgave her. I let her know it could never happen again though, and the guys you tried meeting with need to be out of your life. We get back together and a year and a half later, here we are. Before I go into the story prompting this post, let me give a rundown of the litany of terrible things that have happened, most in the last 1.5 yrs since writing my original post:
Examples
Her mom is controlling her relationships. That’s not right. In the post I made a year and a half ago I said “she shows no signs of her mother’s traits at all”. It’s taken a complete 180. Yes, she’s still amazing with kids and all the other stuff I liked, etc, but the single biggest thing her mom does, saying she wants X then moments later reversing and saying she wants Y, is something I see a lot in my gf now.
Recent events prompting this post
Pre-Visit
The recent chain of events: last three visits in a row were flying to see me (thanksgiving break, after Christmas, and in March) because as I tried telling her, once she starts working in summer it will be difficult for her to take long periods off and far easier for me to visit her (working from home). Next planned visit perfectly coincided with her graduation and early summer: I’d fly out to her, we would go to a cabin in Gettysburg for my birthday, do half a week in Atlantic City to celebrate graduation, then after graduation day her mom got a free stay in a casino in Maryland for the weekend as her graduation present (ugh) and then we would fly back to my place together to spend a week.
Maryland and my place never ended up happening. During this time my gf was applying to grad school, hoping to get into a one year program because she said she couldn’t afford two yr. It became a sort of tug of war between me and her mom: me encouraging grad school (even 2 yr programs) and her mom demanding she start working right away. Long story, well, it shouldn’t surprise you who she listened to. So what was once her mom yelling at my gf about not going to grad school became yelling about getting a job.
Things take a new turn when two weeks before I were to leave, her mom goes through everything in her room: she read through every single private letter, note, picture, memento, anything (and there’s a lot) that my gf has from me. My gf smokes a good amount of weed and I sent her rolling papers (the very very legal kind you can get at any corner gas station). Her mom flips out, gf has to stay with friends for a few days. Her mom calls me, calls MY mom, and messages a police chief friend of hers (later says this never happened but I saw the screenshots and it looked legit) that I’m a drug dealer.
At this point I’m not mad, I’m scared. The women who’s shown she consistently cries wolf now might try to get me in trouble for something that is a TOTAL fabrication? In her text to me she said I can forget about Maryland and staying at there house. So, for the weekend in between Gettysburg and Atlantic City I arrange to stay at my buddy’s house, and get my ticket to return right after her graduation, skipping the Maryland weekend.
The mom’s crocodile tears got my gf. EVERY day for two weeks prior to leaving every conversation would devolve into pouting “why can’t you come to Maryland”? We literally couldn’t even plan Gettysburg, Atlantic City, or graduation details because she refused to move on past Maryland. I tried explaining: with the INTENSE episode that’s happened the last few weeks, don’t you think a little space is a good thing? I have all summer, The rest of my life to spend time with them. Serious shit just went down and considering past history (not to mention how busy we will be with my birthday and your grad celebrating) it’s ok to skip this weekend- not to mention I already bought my ticket.
Then it became “why can’t you call my mom and apologize?” She wanted me to call her parents and apologize because her parents went through her stuff and all my private mementos and accused me of heinous deeds. I was in disbelief. But my gf was so, SO dead set. I relented and called them: the call lasted 90 seconds. I said one sentence (about how she dug through her daughters stuff), she flipped out, and hung up on me.
My gf briefly sides with me then a day later is back to pouting, “why can’t you call my parents againnn?” Long story short I did. We talked fine about nothing new (“we just want to get to know you more”, etc) and I explained how going off what she told me, I purchased my ticket to come back before the Maryland weekend.
During the visit
My gf still pouts until the day I leave. The first day we are together is wonderful as always, but then the fights start again. The first one on day 2 was small (me wanting to spend time at her place while her parents are gone) but then my birthday the next day another fight erupts. I was annoyed how the whole day she kept making quips like (I’m paraphrasing), “better do what you want on your birthday today because tomorrow is back to normal!”, contrast that to what I do for her, calling it a birthWEEK and try to make the whole week special for her. Sex the night of my birthday is a disaster, a huge fight erupts and I’m shaken to the core: it would be bad enough anytime but on my birthday?
The next day she barely says a word until about 3pm; then things go back to normal for a couple days. The night we left I planned a beautiful sunset picnic overlooking the whole park, but her mom keeps badgering her via text the whole time, “why haven’t you left yet?!”. A girl in her mid-20s can’t make decisions on her own?
I spend the weekend at my friends, we have fun. Gf is at home and guess what- her mom is having another fit. I have her admit that had I stayed there, things would have just been worse.
The next few days in Atlantic City is relatively fine but at this point I’m not happy. I’m demoralized and disheartened. I was grumpy twice that I can remember, about little things. Twice we had to go to the bank that week to send her mom winnings (we don’t gamble but casinos have “free play” so of course we used it).
Graduation is fine, wonderful actually: I’m so, so proud of her. I make sure to get about 1,000 photos on my nice camera of her (her family just had cell phones.)
Post-visit up to now
Remember how after Maryland she was going to come visit me for a week before starting work? I wanted to prioritize spending time with her on my visit so I waited to plan her visit til I returned. Instead of seeing me around Memorial Day (when I had off, it worked out perfectly), her mom got her a room in Atlantic City (you have to gamble a lot to get comped rooms on a holiday weekend). Instead of seeing me on a perfect, free week, she did something she can do literally any weekend this summer. I was not happy. I told her how she’s going to be starting work and won’t have as much time to visit me, coupled with the fact for two years I have planned (and paid) for every trip.
I’m slightly more distant for a few days, but when she has to go to an MRI and turns out she has a litany of back problems, I’m there for her. She would text me in pain every morning, called me sobbing after her mri results two weeks ago. She also starts her new job around Memorial Day; I figure between the intense back pain and the stress of the new job, she’s busy. We go days without phone talking, yet just a few weeks earlier I’d spend hours a day on the phone with her. I think something is off but she did say “I’m so busy I don’t even want to talk to my parents when I get home.” I know the feeling well so of course I just give her space.
I rarely use social media, I logged onto Instagram and noticed her newest picture and my heart sank. The guy she tried cheating with a year and half ago liked it. He now follows her and she follows him.
I’m in shock. I call her and she keeps me waiting for 90 minutes before she calls back. I said how could you associate with him? You literally promised to me you wouldn’t? Her best friend was hooking up with a guy cheating on his gf for a year and allllllllll my gf did was bash it and talk about how morally repugnant it was...what was her reply now? “I don’t care”. She goes on to clarify that what she did a year and a half ago wasn’t “real” cheating but “emotional” cheating. I tell her that’s cosmo Snapchat story bullshit.
And that when she started going into how she wanted to break up. It was an exact repeat of what happened a year and a half ago: huge fight ensures with her mom, she looks for attention from other guys and tries to break up.
She says the biggest issue is that I don’t want to spend time with her family. Second issue how she wants to live by her family. And third, the how much fighting we’ve been doing lately.
What I’m about to say is mean and unfair. I don’t like it, but I’m trying to be honest in this post: I’ve given her family more time and opportunities than any other guy would put up with.
Second, I’ve told her multiple times: I don’t care where we live, but it’s ridiculous to plan your whole life just so you can stay around parents who treat you like shit (and like I’ve told her: your mom should be moving where you go!). As for her third point, yeah there have been a lot of fights...but don’t you realize 98% of them stem from/involve your mother in some way?
I should add, my gf is a regular smoker and hasn’t smoked weed in about two months (even though she’s had her job for three weeks now, I feel like her mom still has her scared about it)
So...
I’m just sort of taken aback on every level. It feels like the same thing from a year and a half ago is happening all over again; and the thing that kills me is how GOOD and supportive I am to her. I swear I don’t mean it as hubris I’m just being honest: I’ve been there every step of the way with her, I’ve been her one steady, consistent rock; I’ve never had anything but her best interests in mind. It’s like...it’s the principle at this point: you’re trying to break up with me? Is this a joke?
Clearly I’m a fool for going along with this, but you have to understand there are about 10,000 little examples that gave me hope, that made me think maybe things would improve- and, for a while, seemed to be clear evidence it was, like all the times she said she wanted to move in with me. I feel like for many months it was headed that way, and all came crashing down recently.
So many of the posts I see here involve supportive significant others who know how bad the situation is...How can someone who has it so much worse than many of the stories I’ve read here (not that it’s a contest, just comparatively speaking) still defend everything her mom does and spurn all the times I’ve been her shoulder to cry on? Is my gf’s callous behavior coming from within or a product of all this maternal discord?
TL;DR: long list of examples of FMIL crazy behavio summary of current fighting between us going on the last month or two/ culminating in my gf talking to guy she cheated with and trying to end things. I feel like my gf’s cold and hurtful behavior has her mother at its roots.
submitted by desperateforadvice13 to JustNoSO [link] [comments]

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